Lint-Trap 3/31/01: Axe Falls
Well, I'm not going to get the deal I wanted. It looks like I'll be 'laid off' April 30, rather than July. But will get a severence package, to be defined next week.
This is sooner than I would have liked, but on the whole, it will serve.
Emotionally, I keep experiencing feelings like a disco ball--sadness, anger, a sense of betrayal, excitement, relief. The latter two are predominent.
Thoughts of age discrimination rear their ugly heads. Ultimately, though, I think I just don't have the same value system as the other managers, at least my boss and the president. They are political animals--the president has an anger management problem, and my boss can be completely and irritatingly disorganized--I think passive aggressive best describes him, but he can be picky and snitty by turns also. And he is a very political animal.
I just haven't connected with either of these guys. My view of management involves a lot of nurturing and encouragement--theirs involves 'seeing if someone is man enough to do the job'. You get the picture?
So, onward. A small traffic accident yesterday--a little paint scraped. In a parking lot. It was a good chance for me to investigate one of my disfunctional eating patterns. A bad thing happens, so I compensate by having a good thing happen with food. I was aware of the pattern, almost a compulsion, but didn't give into it. I went home and cooked myself a wonderful dinner that was in alignment with my eating pattern. Just watched the twinges and desire for ice cream, etc., and let them go. I was rewarded today by getting on the scale and seeing that I've lost 14 pounds since I got back from Hawaii.
My weight loss lady, who I'll call Jill, was in San Francisco visiting a friend this week. So I was able to start working with her. It was very impressive. I can be hypnotisec pretty easily--so I went into a trance, and she had me go to my 'control room' and adjust my knobs--ideal weight, turned down. metabolism, turned up. Satiation point, turned down.
We went out to dinner afterwards, and for the first time I can remember I had to get a doggie bag because I couldn't finish my entree! This stuff works, and very well.
I am feeling such a sense of hope working with her. I've been "too heavy" all my life, except for a year or two in my 30's. I am ready for this to stop. And I believe it can. In fact, hope is alive and well in my heart--it is spring, after all...
Thank you for reading.