Back home, still with no computer. The supervisor I called at Compaq to find out why they have not returned my computer after keeping it for two weeks (it hasn't actually worked in a month!) finally said to me: "If I ran a business, I certainly wouldn't buy a Compaq Presario." I can surely agree with her on that one!

The people I was talking to were somewhere in Canada. The people who had my box were somewhere in the midwest or Texas or something. The people in Canada had no way to talk to the people in Texas. The official status of my box, I'm told after an hour on the phone, was that it was waiting for a motherboard. Of course, I installed a new motherboard that they sent me three weeks ago and it didn't help. I don't even know if they had been able to reproduce the problem in the shop.

This is a strange and wonderful form of customer service, folks. I'm ready to buy a Dell...

But that's not what I wanted to write about. As so often happens, I was stimulated by one of Viv's entries to write about judgement.

The workshop I went to last week had a lot to say about Judgement. One thing that I found very interesting is that people who are judgmental are often the ones selected as scapegoats. Since I was a scapegoat in my last job, I had to look within my self and plead guilty. I didn't have much respect for my boss and his boss. I didn't think I let it show much, but, in retrospect, I think they knew. I'm sure their attitude was "who needs this!". I can even sympathize.

Eliminating judgment, the habit of a lifetime, isn't all that easy. It's easy to judge without being aware of it--you are not judging, after all, but suggesting improvements, giving advice, or feeling frustrated... So we played a game.

They gave us several dollars--the new dollar coin that replaces the Susan B. Anthony coin. The rule of the game was--every time you made a judgment, drop a dollar on the ground and walk away from it.

This cost me about $10. And cleared up a lot of old habits about judging.

Even the poor souls at Compaq. The most I can get worked up about them is a muted frustration, and the sad understanding that their actions will have consequences, and if I had their stock I'd sell it. If you examine the tone of some of my previous entries on the topic of the phone company and Compaq, you'll see that this is a long way to have come. I actually blushed to read one my earlier entries--judgment in every line. This way feels better.

When I left the workshop, we were told to expect six months to a year where a lot of stuff would come up, although we would be able to clear it quickly. That's what I'm experiencing. I keep tripping over parts of my shadow, picking them up, dusting them off, and inviting them into my consciousness. Often I trip over them when they pop out of my mouth or into my thoughts unexpectedly. Each one I find gives me another jolt of energy--one less way in which I'm fighting myself. Good feeling (and if that's a judgment, I'll drop another dollar).

Thank you for reading.

Copyright © 2001 Pete Stevens. All rights reserved.