Lots of iced tea last night at dinner--the waitress was too good at keeping my glass filled. When I have iced tea or coffee in the evening, it never seems to keep me from going to sleep, but rather makes me wake up early. So there I was at 4AM, bright eyed but exhausted. I read some, and was able to fall into a shallow sleep which, to my surprise, lasted until 9AM!
During this period I had a dream where I was in a totally packed church--felt so-so about being there. Also, I was in a hotel with a swimming pool on the roof (I don't think I have ever been in such a hotel). And half a dozen times, I felt like I was getting a message: "Embrace contradiction!"
At one point in this somewhat fitful period, I woke up to discover that the ocean fog, usually several hundred feet below me, decided to pay a call and the house was densely enshrouded. It was sunrise, and the fog was a beautiful pink color--I felt kind of like a frou-frou piece of jewelry in a pink cotton box. I thought about finding my camera, but realized that I could never photograph it, and fell back asleep. And now the pink fog is mixed into my dreams. Was it real? I think so...
Embrace Contradiction! Embrace Contradiction! What a strange message, and how meaningful it felt at the time. A call to own incompatible forces within me, to love and believe in both sides of the question. To be pro-life and pro-choice at the same time. To be both Republican and Democrat. To believe in personal liberty and personal safety. The Hawaiian kahunas were known for being able to operate with contradictory views of the world at the same time. I see this when I do Reiki, where it is clear that the scientific side of my brain would love to believe that nothing is happening, and doesn't understand how it could be happening, but happening it is. How do I reconcile this? I can split myself into a cold, scientific side that writes computer programs and a warm emotional side that believes in "impossible" things like reincarnation and Reiki, and even love. Love really freaks out my scientific side, which weighs and measures until I tell it to stop.
Embrace contradiction! Don't just tolerate it. Don't do a split. Embrace it. Love it. Treat the two sides of the argument like a parent would treat squabbling children--I love you both, so get along, and when you grow up you'll be good friends. When we "take sides" we cut ourselves off from a piece of the Universe. A piece that also exists inside us. As above, so below.
Embrace contradiction! Can I ever come to love the "Bin Laden" in me? The part that knows I'm right, and wants to destroy everyone who does not agree with me? The part that believes that if I do horrible things for a good cause, the ends justify the means? Perhaps the packed church in my dreams relates to this. All the people in the US, praying now, but so few are turning the other cheek, loving their neighbors as themselves, and seeking first the kingdom of God within themselves. These are the same people who turned eagerly to the TV shows where people were routinely blown away, who flocked to the movies where blood is spilled by the gallon and body parts flew across the screen. Embrace contradiction! Can I embrace hypocrites? Can I embrace my own hypocrisy? Can I embrace the part of myself that wants to see the bad guys killed and their bloody body parts flying across the screen. Can I love love this part, incorporate it into myself?
I think the first step, the hardest step, is just to admit that it's there. The pink fog seems much preferable.
Thank you for reading.