Two weeks of the galloping crud--sinus, headaches, cough, aches, and general dissipation. Borderline not well enough to go to work, but a ton to do. Because I'm now on vacation--my daughter is being married next week, and I'm off to California tomorrow. So of course I need to pay all the bills and clean my home desk and my work desk.
There's been a lot of interesting stuff going on in my life. A multi-pronged attack on my weight, for one thing. So far, lots of insight, but not much poundage lost. I've been trying hypnosis, and finding all sorts of stuff coming up. Bizarre. Images of a kid, six or seven, locked in a closet and kicking and pounding on the door in anger and frustration and fear. A twenty-something very thin man dressed in black who put him there. Images of crystal beaches, where people are laid out, in their coffins, and the action of the waves turns their bones into blue, pink, purple, green crystals.
A feeling that my weight is the last big problem I need to solve in my life. And the realization that I'm afraid that if I solve it, I'll have nothing left to do but die. Memory of my father, who had always had a weight problem, but at the end of his life was so thin from cancer. Realizing that I simply cannot visualize myself thin. Strange stuff. It's good that I feel secure enough here to be working on this.
We joined the church choir, and were welcomed into it with true joy. I feel so lucky in the church we found--a sturdy solid Unitarian church, independent, liberal, concerned, and filled with interesting one-of-a-kind people. Sundays have become a yummy experience.
The hardest thing about stressing out, for me, is that I lose contact with my emotions, including my feeling of my body. It's a guy thing, perhaps, but I sure am good at it. I think it's also a scientist thing. The hypnosis, and becoming conscious of my shadow stuff, is bringing me back to my emotions. It's like going from black and white to technicolor.
And speaking of technicolor, I need to be picking out my wardrobe and packing for the plane. But I did want to post before I went.
Wish me luck walking down the aisle with my daughter. Particularly wish me luck as my current and previous wives interact...
Thank you for reading.
Copyright © 2002 Pete Stevens. All rights reserved.
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