Night and Day


This morning, we met the backup doctor at the office at 8:30 -- the surgeon is on vacation for the next week.  The backup doctor is a man, seemingly in his sixties, who seems just as nice as the surgeon.  The purpose of this meeting was to remove Diana's final drain.

Yesterday, she was depressed, had no energy, and spent most of the day in bed.  Today she had the drain removed (a 2-minute procedure), and the change was almost instantaneous.  For one thing, she's on a lot less pain medication, which I think was depressing her and fogging her brain.  But whatever the reason, the change was night and day.  The doctor gave her a prescription for a weaker pain pill, and when we got home I prepared to go to the pharmacy to fill it.  She astonished me by saying "can I come along?"  And she did.  And to the food store, too.  She made lunch.  She cleaned the refrigerator (!).  A friend who is a nurse came over today to help her wash her hair, and after that they packed up all the Christmas decorations.  She has been cheerful and laughing.  She's on the mend, and my heart leaps with joy to see it.  Tomorrow is our anniversary, and, as she put it, she actually feels like celebrating it, rather than marking it.

In my concern that she would overdo things, I tried to get her to sit down and talk about how she will be spending her time--what will be different about her life.  She is determined to take better care of herself--not just physically (she already does well in that department), but emotionally.  Not to deny herself things.  But the big change has to come with Eson.

Eson is having a touch semester.  He can do the work, but he just isn't getting it done--he is teetering near failure in two courses because he hasn't handed in the homework.  Diana was getting shrill, and very frustrated.  Which made Eson stubborn.  Louise Hay says that breast cancer is a sign of difficulty letting go, especially with resentment.  Fits Diana to a tee.  She is going to try to change that.

I suggested that maybe Eson just needs another year before taking on the world.  Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if he repeated 12th grade.  When he as 5, she was told that we was never going to learn to read.  Largely through Diana's hard work in the evening, and his own native intelligence, he has passed the state test to graduate from HS.  Diana can see this rationally, but there is a lot of pushing in her past that she will have a big problem letting go of.  The anger, frustration, and resentment is strong, and totally out of place.  She takes it very personally when he fails.  It's her failure.

The boys get back on Tues--I want to make sure that Diana and I are clear about the ground rules when they get back.  And that we talk to them together.  And that they "get it."  A challenge, but one that we are ready for.  And meanwhile, we'll celebrate our anniversary--what a year!  So many dear friends left, and so many new ones made.  Learning to appreciate the beauty of New England, inner and outer.

Despite everything, it may well have been the happiest year of my life.  Imagine that!

Thank you for reading.

Copyright © 2002 Pete Stevens. All rights reserved.