Not much time for an entry. The news from the MRI was bad--there was another area of cancer in Diana's breast, and tomorrow she will have a mastectomy.
So many people have come forward to help us. A remarkable woman, a new friend and Reiki student here in MA, came with us to the hospital to get the MRI tests done. This woman, who I suspect will be showing up in these pages quite a bit, I'll call Jolie. She is Swiss, has been living in the US for decades, and is a cancer survivor. She discovered a lump in her breast while she was nursing her husband through his terminal illness (she is a few years older than Diana and me). She has been a wonderful and true friend.
She told us a remarkable story about the work she did when the lump was diagnosed. She took the lump to be a sign that something in her life was out of balance. She had been trying to keep her business running full speed, while nursing her husband, and was completely stressed out. She was out of balance, off center. She had a meditation practice (that she'd been "too busy" for) that she returned to. And made changes that allowed her to slow down and still be with her husband. She said that by the time she was operated on to remove the lump, she was actually grateful to the tumor for showing her the way back to a centered existence. She said she almost felt love for it, and thanked the tumor for coming and doing its work, and told it that it had done what it came here to do, and now it was time for it to go.
As she spoke of this, it struck me that she could almost have been talking about giving birth. That the tumor grew in her, like a baby, and when it was ready, it came out. The warmth in her voice could have been discussing a child. I was astonished. Jung says that our growth comes from loving our shadow, those parts of ourselves that we can't stand. And here it was, right in front of me...
She has had no recurrence of the cancer, and has continued to live a more quiet, centered existence.
Another idea that grabbed me was an analogy between the disorder in Diana's daily life, and the disorderly growth of the cancer in her breast. I have written about this organization thing earlier, but it struck me that she would heal faster if she cleaned up her living space. I was trying to figure out how to say this to her, which I felt was certain to provoke an explosion, when she started spontaneously to clean up and organize her working space. If there is a message she has gotten from this disease, it is to take better care of her own needs. I think there are deeper messages, but this one, at least, seems to be heard. She has hung some pictures that we brought out and were still in boxes, lots of old papers, etc., went out, and she has organized her jewelry and the bathroom, both black pits of hell in their "before" state. Much yet to do, but I feel this impulse to be one of health. Long may it wave.
Send us good energy Mon. 12/23/02, 11AM Eastern time.
Thank you for reading.