Christmas is about friends for me, but particularly this year, as we prepare to go to Boston.  The meditation group met for a holiday party, and lots of people I hadn't seen in several years came by--wonderful closure to see them and say goodbye.  The next day I had the Chairman of the Board of the Boston company I'm joining and his wife of two years (who I hadn't met) up to my house for dinner with Diana.  I've known him for 15 years--he is well known in his field, an Enneagram 8 if there ever was one, loud voice, "out there", but a teddy-bear manner.  And he has enough sense to leave the running of the company to people who are good at it.  We had a wonderful evening, swapping stories and discussing everything from whether startup companies need business plans (predictably, he said they don't.  8's would!) to boating on the Merrimack river.  Turns out that his wife has a house in Santa Barbara, so they get to CA pretty frequently.  Then last night, another party thrown by one of the meditation people, where more old friends showed up.  A joy to connect with them again.

Since I've been pretty sporadic about updating, here is the current status:

  1. We are getting married on 12/29 at my house.  "small" wedding of 30-50, depending on who can come. 
  2. We are going out to Boston over New Years to look for a house.
  3. It looks like Diana will Retire from her job, probably shortly after her birthday.
  4. We are throwing a Wedding Party (never say reception) on 1/13.  Because of recent events, it has turned into a Wedding Party / Going Away Party / Diana Retirement Party.  And it's on Diana's birthday as well...
  5. My stepdaughter and her husband will rent my house while we are gone.  That is wonderful because he is very handy and she is pregnant with my first (step) grandchild.
  6. Diana's cousin is a property manager.  We called her to see if she would manage the rental of Diana's house, and she said "sure, but if you would consider selling it, I'd like to buy it!"  We met with her yesterday, and agreed that we would get an appraisal and she would buy the house at the appraised value!  This makes a huge difference when it comes to buying a house in New England--all of a sudden, we have a big down payment!
  7. If we can pull it off, we'd like to move the end of January.

It just looks like the Universe is conspiring to make this move happen and be wonderful.  I hope this mood continues through the next few weeks!

I spend an hour with my ex-wife last week, also.  She is taking the whole thing rather hard.  The good news is that she is finally in touch with her anger over the divorce.  That's good news because she had been angry but "not showing it" (e.g., everybody but her knew she was angry).  It is a relief to have her more congruent.  And she has the wisdom to know that the anger is only partly generated by me.  A lot of it has more to do with her parents than me, and no small amount of is directed at herself.  She is still projecting a lot onto me, but much more aware of it and owning the projections.  I'm not blameless in this whole matter--for all that I needed to end the marriage to grow, I can't pretend that this didn't hurt her or the kids.  And I do want to keep on good terms with her.  So we will keep talking.  If her anger comes out, I'll try to hang with it and not get defensive.  There is much to learn from her responses, even if the often seem to say more about her than me.  And at core she is a good woman, struggling with her rigidity and aware that her previous life strategy has run out of gas.  She is working on growing a new strategy that will work for her, but it is tough.  Having been through a similar transition several years ago, I feel for her and forgive her her anger.  And pray for her.

I just renewed this name for a year.  Hard to realize that a year ago, this journal was only a vague wish.  I'm likely to update very sporadically over the next several weeks as I struggle with houses, mortgages, packing, and other grand and glorious activities.  Blech!

Thank you for reading.

Copyright © 2001 Pete Stevens. All rights reserved.